Tuesday, Nov. 05, 2002 || 8:34 p.m.

Whenever I start to doubt where I am, or what I am doing with my life, I have to read my books by old white guys about media theories. It gives me comfort to know that I may not be wasting my time after all.

Marshall McLuhan, "The Medium is the Message"~

"All media work us over completely. They are so pervasive in their personal, political, economic, aesthetic, psychological, moral, ethical, and social consequences that they leave no part of us untouched, unaffected, unaltered. The medium is the massage. Any understanding of social and cultural change is impossible without a knowledge of the way media work as environments.

All media are extensions of some human faculty- psychic or physical."

I almost changed my major today. I was planning it out in head, what I would tell my advisor.

"I want to change my major to Psychology because I think I am good at it and I want to help people. I don't know if media studies is working out for me. I do well in psychology and maybe that is a sign that I should be in it."

Yes, I love studying psychology and I love the idea of maybe helping someone, but what would I be missing? What is keeping me from just dropping my Media Studies major? I think it is the idea of not knowing. Not knowing what could happen to me if I graduate with a Media Studies degree. I know what will happen to me if I graduate as a Psychology major, I would go on to grad school. I will fall in line with everyone else, not to say that it won't be satisfying, but the wondering of where I would be if I did something different would almost kill me. I get kicked around in my Media major. I work my ass off with papers and reading. I get my work back with Bs when I know I worked for an A. It stresses me out and makes me want to quit. But I am still here. I am still working at the same rate. Maybe it is test to see how much I can take or an internal test with just myself. You need to fall and be challenged before you can get back up and learn something. God, I sound just like every other person my age. Why is it that this time is so stressful and uncertain, yet we will always remember it as the best time of our lives?

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