2002-10-16 || 3:08 p.m.

It feels like I haven't been on here for so long. Just to let you know, I haven't died. I have been forced to enter the dark hole that is the mid-term period in a college semester. It is a good and bad thing that my media major just depends on writing essays to "test" it's students. Essays are the biggest pain in the ass that have ever existed. Maybe, one day, I will be a good writer and never feel so stressed when having to put lots of words together to form a paragraph that forms a paper. Damn language, damn you to hell!

Speaking of language, I suck at French and I don't have anytime to study for that class. I am really getting behind. I don't think I have enough energy to care.

As I sit here drinking my chai tea and eating my M&Ms, I realized why I have been so tired lately. I think it is a combination of the crappy winter weather and stress. I like this weather though. I enjoy getting bundled up and not sweating (and, in turn, prevents BO). I am also putting on my "winter weight" aka I am eating like a teenage boy high on testosterone.

I got a call from my father yesterday. I will put it in conversation form so it is more entertaining:

Father: Well, I am planning on coming up to visiting you on Thanksgiving. You didn't make other plans did you? You need to tell me now if you made other plans so I can cancel my plans.

Me: No, I am really that much of a loser that I am staying here and finishing my papers for Thanksgiving.

Father: Ok, well I am booking a room for KAREN and I at the St. Francais Hotel (sidenote: one of the most expensive hotels in San Francisco). They have a restaurant there called the "Oak Room" where we could have dinner.

Me: Ok (think silently to myself- "Why the hell is he bring a woman with him?") Can Margaret come to dinner too?

Father: Oh yes, do you have any other friends that are going to be there for Thanksgiving?

Me: No, Marge and I are the only sad ones that are going to be here.

Father: Ok, then I am coming up Thanksgiving day and leaving that Saturday.

Yeah, I know. I don't understand him either. I think he only wants me around when it is convenient for him. He likes to show off his money so why not bring along his girlfriend to visit his daughter who happens to live in San Francisco and stay at a expensive hotel. I think what bothers me the most is what he stays to these women. Does this woman think that he pays for my college? What does my dad tell her about my mother? Does she think I have a trouble mother and prefer my father over her? The poor woman doesn't even know she is being feed lies and I have to spend Thanksgiving with her. I am getting really, really drunk that night. Thank God Marge will be there too (I will repay her in cake and alcohol).

luv, steph

p.s.- If anyone has suggestions about how I should handle this situation please let me know. I am willing to try anything.

Before || After